


I Wanted To Hurt You But Look Where That Got Me.

by Loverer



Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Cheating, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-01 19:26:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14527515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loverer/pseuds/Loverer
Summary: It's always like that. You argue, you get hurt, then you want to hurt. In the process you are hurt even more.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what this is. It's a completely random idea and I'm not planning on a series or anything. It's just a small break from my exam revision really ;)
> 
> However, I could technically fit this into Living the Tennis Life... Should I slot it in there or leave it as a stand-alone? Any advice will be much appreciated! :)
> 
> Hope you like it, comments are always welcome XD
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> It's not true, hence the word fiction, okay?
> 
> xx

"I no mean it like that no?"

"Yeah you never mean anything like that. You say it anyway."

"Rog-"

"You know what? Nevermind. I'm just tired of listening to the same discussion over and over."

"Me too no? Is not my fault they ask and ask and ask."

"No it's not. It's upto you how you answer though. So there."

"No is not. I mean it is si, but they put question like that, they like to get stuff, no?" 

"Raf I already said nevermind. It's fine whatever, just so tired of it everywhere."

"Is not my fault."

"It's not mine either. Or if it's such a pain, I could just like retire or something. Anyway, everyone is looking forward to that day dearly."

Roger heard Rafa gasp and winced. Maybe that was taking it too far. But Rafa could have thought about it too. How come Roger is the only one thinking about Rafa's feelings all the bloody time?

"I look forward to your retirement? Is what you think?"

"I didn't say that"

"You mean it no?"

"No I didn't"

"Instead of retiring, how about start play on clay. Then no one will ask. Si?"

"Because it's so easy right? You already know why I don't play it, I don't want to kill my knee forever. Yet you go and tell the media that I'm not playing because I'll lose my winning *aura* otherwise. What does that even mean?"

"I no wanna explain no? I say what I say."

"So you stand by it even now?"

"Is not lie, no?"

"So that's it. You do think that? So you basically think I'm lying about the knee?"

"I no say that. Both are factors"

"No they are not! I would've played if I could!"

"You will say that no? Who will say they do it for winning mentality?"

"You literally don't believe me at all Raf?"

"I do!"

"Yeah clearly. Anyway, I'm going to sleep now. So goodnight"

"Si, fine. goodnight."

And that was the end of the two-hour long call which started off so well and ended somwhere entirely different. Roger sighed. He couldn't begin to understand this strange feeling. He never felt like this before. Like Rafa didn't understand him. Like Rafa thought he was lying. Like Rafa wouldn't believe him. That was unheard of before. He hated it. 

Roger grabbed the pillow next to him and threw it across the room as hard as he could. It only landed somewhere near the end of the bed though, instead of across the room, and Roger groaned. Even the pillows were playing with him. 

Firstly, he wasn't with Rafa and was missing him. Now Rafa was almost accusing him of making up excuses. And on the top if that, he didn't even have anyone to talk to. 

It was such a pretty night outside and here he was sulking over a stupid argument. He got up angrily and got dressed. He was sick of this eat-sleep-train routine. Sometimes he felt like a loner. And he hated those times the most. 

He was going to have a night out. Maybe get drunk or something. It sounded like a good idea. So Roger got into his car and drove to the finest club in Dubai. The extravagance still took his breath away. Everything in Dubai took his breath. But this place. It was like heaven.

He had as much as set a foot inside when the music got him going. The noise, the buzz, the everything. It brought some much needed energy into him and suddenly he felt the need to have a drink. One drink became two and two became three and before he knew it he was buzzing with alcohol.

Roger took his jacket off and strolled to the dance floor, the music running through him like blood in veins. It was a spacious dance floor but with a lot of people of on it. Not that Roger was complaining. He let himself be touched and grinded and sandwiched. He even let himself enjoy it. He felt like a teenager again, partying carelessly and unashamedly.

There was a girl. A pretty dark-haired girl, who was probably a local, who was looking at him. He didn't know if she recognised him or not but he didn't care. He let her get close when she came to him because really, what was the need to say no? They danced for hours, the music sychronising every step, the alcohol brimming in every breath, the lights dimming with every hour. All his worries and stress and tension just slipped away in this pretty girl's eyes. He could drown in those black eyes. In their inviting depth. In their intoxicating glistening. In their abundant warmth.

Roger didn't quite recall what happened later. Or what didn't happen. He remembered waking up to a splintering headache in some room that wasn't his. He hissed awake and grabbed at the air, trying to find his phone. 

Fifteen missed calls from Ivan. Ten from Seve. A whopping thirty from Pierre. Nothing from Rafa. Okay at least that was good. If they would've told Rafa, he would've called too. He hadn't called, meaning he did not know. 

Roger blinked at the window as a wave of nausea hit him. He doubled over, trying to control it. It passed after a few seconds and he reached for the hotel phone.

"Have some toast and juice please." He heard his own voice hoarse from sleep and hangover. "Room... I don't know, one minute hold on"

Roger crawled out of bed and walked over to the door, opening it. "Room 302. Yes please. Thanks"

He ended the call and shut the door. Then he looked down. Fuck. He was naked.

Horror swept over him. He ran to the bed, turning the duvet over, checking the sheets. Looking for signs of a possible... A possible encounter with someone else.

No. No signs of someone else being here too. He checked the bin. No condoms. Nothing. Then again, he hadn't carried any with him either. 

Roger rubbed his face, where were his clothes? After a moment of frantic searching, he found them in a pile on the floor. They didn't smell like his clothes. They smelled like, what did they smell like?

And then it hit him. That girl, he was dancing with her... They smelled like her. But did she join him here? Did they come to the room together? Oh god, he couldn't remember a thing about how he got to this bloody room. 

The bell rang and he opened it eagerly. He downed his breakfast in record time, feeling better and better as the food went in. Still he remembered nothing though.

After he was sure he wasn't sounding like he had just come back from the dead, he called Ivan.

"Where the hell are you?"

Roger winced. "Hi um sorry"

"I'm sorry?"

"I um, well. I went out"

"Oh"

"To dance, drink whatever. Not like, not to you know..." Roger faltered, he hadn't a clue what he was trying to say. Anyway, why was he explaining himself so much to Ivan? It wasn't like he was going to ask him such a personal question anyway. And that was only confirmed with his response.

"Right. Well, when are you getting back?"

"Right um yes, as soon as I figure out where I am."

"What?"

"I mean. An hour. Give me an hour."

"Take your time Rog. As long as you're safe"

"Yeah. Ivan, thanks"

"No no. You get back soon"

"Will do. Bye"

Roger gulped down what was left of the orange juice and put on his jacket. He checked the nightstand for his keys which weren't there. He found them under the bed after some more searching. Finally he got out of the luxurious room and headed for the reception, handing them the room key and checking out. 

The lady at the reception gave him a funny smile. He didn't knowbif it was because she recognised him or because she had seen him do something weird last night or both. He decided to ignore it as much as he could but god, he knew he was missing something from his memory.

He got to his car and sighed heavily. He checked the time on his Rolex, at least that was still safe and on his wrist. It was noon. He glanced back at the Rolex and found a long hair curled in the belt. He frowned and pulled it out. Why was he getting these vibes that he had done something terrible last night?

When Roger got back home, he already knew he wasn't going to train today. The headache had come back with full force and he was feeling aweful anyway. The worried look that Pierre gave him was enough to tell him that he looked aweful too. He assured everyone that he was okay and tried to give some explanations although no one had actually asked. After everyone had left him alone to sulk and brood, he slouched on the couch and took his phone out, scrolling through his WatsApp. 

The TeamEurope group was, as usual, buzzing with news messages and links. He scrolled through a few, replying every so often to the ones he liked and adding his own jokes as he went along. After he was done with that one, he went back to threads and scrolled through. He noticed Rafa's name on the top of the list and frowned. He hadn't texted Rafa anything on WatsApp last few days so why did that appear as the most recent chat? He clicked on it almost reluctantly. And Roger's whole world fell apart.

There was a video, sent by himself to Rafa at three in morning, of him and that girl. It was taken with the front camera of his own phone by the looks of it. Roger in video was holding the phone with one hand and the girl's waist with the other. He had flushed himself against the girl, who played her part well too by clinging to him in all the inappropriate places. There he was dancing, grinding against her, rocking, actually *rocking* his hip against her and shouting at the camera.

The video ended just as he crashed his lips into hers. What happened after that, he still couldn't remember, didn't know. By the looks of it, he didn't need to know either. 

But that, he remembered taking that video now. The feelings of anger and hurt amplified by the alcohol. He wanted to hurt Rafa. There was no other justifucation or excuse or anything deeper to it. He wanted to hurt Rafa. Plain and simple.

His eyes flickered down to the bottom of the screen, where two blue ticks sat smugly in the corner. 

Yes, Rafa had seen it. Of course he had seen it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am, complaining about too much exam revision, writing fics and wasiting precious revision time all at once.... Talk about multi-tasking! -_-
> 
> I don't know where this is going to be honest with you but we'll go where it takes us... Here's a chapter 2 for you guys
> 
> Thanks for your comments and kudos!
> 
> Enjoy XD
> 
> xx

Roger's thumb lingered on the one name he desperately wanted to talk to. He brought it close to the screen then took it away again. Then he switched the phone off and threw it away. For the fifth time now. 

It wasn't rocket science that Rafa must be hurt and mad and everything at once. And Roger wanted to give him some space to cool down, some time. But he also desperately wanted to call him because it was tearing him apart. 

He wanted to say sorry and apologise and tell him it will never happen again. But all that shit sounded hollow to even himself. It didn't mean a thing. The worse thing was he actually wanted to hurt Rafa. He just wanted to give him pain. That was the meanest emtotion Roger had felt in ages. He wasn't the kind of person who would willingly ever want to hurt anyone. Granted, he was drunk as hell. Granted, he was overwhelmed by it all. Granted, he didn't mean it seriously if he looked back now. But it was what it was. And it wasn't going to change. He had sent Rafa a video of himself basically on the verge of having sex with some random girl. 

He couldn't even imagine what Rafa must've gone through watching it and imagining what went on after it. 

Roger banged his head on the couch. What had he done? How stupid could he get? Just why? 

Roger closed his eyes. He could write a book on how to dig a hole for yourself right now. He could do a PhD on the subject. That way he would have an actual Doctorate degree rather than an honorary one given by the University of Basel. At least he would deserve it. Right now, he didn't even deserve Rafa's anger. That's how low he had gone. 

Roger got off the couch and paced the room. He couldn't call Rafa. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. He needed to see him. Just once. Even if he was going to get the kitchen sink thrown at him, he still wanted to see Rafa. He would take the sink and the bathtub and whatever else Rafa had to throw at him. But he needed to apologise to him once and not through technology. 

He picked up the phone. 

"I need a private jet to Madrid please." 

He waited patiently as the lady on the other side checked for availabilities. 

"Your name sir?" 

"Roger Federer" 

"Um, date of birth?" 

"Eigth of August, 1981" 

"Pass code?" 

"Rafito" 

"Thank you sir. Your flight has been booked. 1pm check in" 

"Thanks." 

He had packed his bags within the next fifteen minutes. Well, packed would be the wrong word. He had stuffed his bags would be more suitable. He didn't think it through to be honest. He just grabbed whatever he found and zipped the bags. The fifteen minutes after he had done packing, he spent telling his team about his plans for the next few days, and apologising for the abrupt disruption in training schedules. 

An hour later, Roger found himself checking in at the airport. He was well aware that his flight was an hour away still. Even though it was a private jet, he couldn't just fly it anytime he wanted. It had to align with the airport regulations and so he did have a time given to him. And he had to wait till then. 

So he waited. The business class lounge was filled with commuters and businessmen and celebrities. This was Dubai after all. The most popular destination of all kinds of people. He kept to himself or tried to anyway. He knew he was recognised and there were eyes on him but he pretended not to take any notice. He just stared into his phone. The video driving him insane. Everything in the last twenty-four hours seemed insane and too fast and abrupt. And the worst part was, he had literally brought it upon himself. Only if they Olympic gold medals for this. 

Finally it was one o'clock. He shook hands with the pilot and boarded the plane. The next few hours were the longest hours of life. The fear coursed through him thunderbolt and he was almost half-way through to making a trip to the cockpit and requesting an u-turn. He didn't, of course. And the plane was still very much heading to Madrid, the city where Rafa was. 

The wheels touched the Spanish soil and Roger could almost feel Rafa looking at him. Mocking him. He took a deep breath and stepped out. 

There was just one important thing now - finding Rafa and well, just finding Rafa. 

It wasn't hard. Roger knew Rafa would be in his house at this hour in the evening. The only question was, was he going to be alone? Rafa liked to call a whole herd of friends over when he was sad. Especially when he was sad. And it was very likely that right now was a similar case. 

Roger stood infront of the door. Looking at the wood infront of him. The bell was to his right. All he needed to do was press it. Just one press. And the door would open and he would be face to fave with Rafa. 

Roger was close. Very close. He almost did press the bell. But his hands felt cold and frozen all of sudden and he resorted to just staring for some more time. 

Roger breathed out a heavy sigh and stepped down from the front step. He couldn't. He took another step back. And another. And one more. 

And then he turned, his back to the door now. And started walking back the way he had come. And then the door behind him opened and he heard his lover's loud and hysteric laugh and Roger turned back to see Rafa at the door, seeing someone off. 

"Si. Fue genial ponerse al día. Deberías venir más!" 

The man, who Roger vaguely recognised as Rafa's friend nodded his agreement to whatever it was Rafa said and headed down the driveway, freezing when he saw Roger standing there like a statue. 

Rafa's eyes had followed his friend and now he was staring at Roger too. The smile, that was so beautifully plastered onto his face till now, melted into a firm expression of indifference and hurt. And Roger's heart skipped a beat. That expression alone spoke a million words, it spoke everything Rafa had felt in the last few hours, it spoke everything that Rafa himself hadn't said. It was the worst expression Roger had ever seen on that beautiful face. 

The friend, whatever his name was, smiled at Roger and then waved back to Rafa before walking away. 

Rafa left the door open and disappeared into the house. Roger took that to mean he could enter the house. So he stepped in, looking for Rafa. 

He was sitting on the beanbag in the living room, his eyes glued to the telly. Roger closed the door and made his way to Rafa. He didn't sit down, he just hovered by Rafa's side. 

It was few minutes of unsure silence filling the air like fog before Rafa sighed and said something. "Speak." 

Roger's pulse went out of the roof just by the tone of it. It was barely a whisper. Nothing more than that. And yet it was a command like no other. There was a weight to it that now sat heavily in Roger's chest.

"Rafa... I" he had to speak the truth here. He just had to. "I did it because I wanted to hurt you. I shouldn't have." 

Rafa hadn't even looked at him. He was still staring at the telly and Roger didn't know if he had actually listened. But he gueesed he should carry on anyway. 

"I- I don't want to say sorry Rafa because it's such a useless word. It doesn't mean a thing. But I regret it with all my heart. And I know you'll take forever to forgive me and rightfully so, I don't deserve it either... I was drunk, I wanted to hurt you and she was- there. I don't even remember what and how- I just remember waking up in a room somewhere... I don't remember making the video or sending it to you... Nothing. I just- god, I can't believe I did all that." 

Roger looked at Rafa again. He was looking at the telly with a frown of concentration on his face. He didn't look like he was even noticing Roger. 

"Raf... Say something please. Hurt me back, shout at me, yell, throw things at me but just... something... Please" Roger's voice cracked and he stopped talking. He didn't want to be a crying mess. Not today. Not now. He would cry later in the soltitude of his room. But not now. 

"You done? Go now." 

Rafa's words hit him like a punch in the gut. He hadn't expected any forgiveness or welcome of any sort. But he was honestly not expecting such a cold reaction either. They were lovers till a day ago, for God's sake. And now, he was told to leave after pouring his heart out. Rafa didn't even think he was worthy of his anger right now, that was what hurt the most. Roger stood there for a few more seconds, digesting the words and their implication and everything that the future held for him, and then nodded meekly. 

He stepped out of Rafa's living room and out of the front door, closing it softly behind him. He was having a hard time holding back the tears but he wasn't going to cry till he was alone. He blinked away the moisture, reaching for his phone to call a taxi to the airport. 

His phone beeped in his hand, signalling a message and he opened it. 

His own video glared back at him and his mouth went dry. It was from an unknown number. 

Two seconds later, another beep followed. A message with words this time. 

"Having fun with the Arabic hottie Mr Federer? Better keep some booty ready to collect too. Details coming soon. Laters Baby." 

Roger glared at the text and ran back in. 

"Rafa?" There must've been some real sense of urgency to his tone because Rafa did actually look back at him then. 

The look on Roger's face was enough to tell him something was terribly wrong. 

"Rafa! Look at this!" 

Roger showed him the two texts and Rafa gaped at the phone. Then glared at Roger. 

"What you do Roger?!" 

Roger's legs gave in and he sat on the floor with a thud. His phone barely safe in his hands. Roger let the phone go and buried his face in his hands. There was no point even trying to stop the tears anymore. He could sense Rafa hovering over him as he weeped, tempted to reach over and comfort him but unable to forgive him enough to do so. 

Roger didn't mind. He deserved this. He deserved this and much worse. And everything that was to come. So he cried. At least he could cry in peace. 

\--- 

It must've been early morning because he could hear the birds chirping in the background. He had falled asleep on the floor. He jolted up when he realised where he was, looking around frantically for Rafa. 

"On the couch" came the voice. So Roger turned around and squinted at Rafa who was cuddled on the couch with his blanket. 

"Rafa" Roger breathed a sigh of releif. Somehow not seeing the Spaniard caused him panic. But it didn't last long, "Rafa the text?" 

"Si. Not a dream." 

"Not a dream. Of course." 

Roger nodded, scrambling up from the floor. He rubbed his eyes and blinked, getting his bearings. His bag was still in the hallway it seemed and his shoes were still on. He nodded a few times at Rafa, "Okay, I'll um, see you later I guess." 

"Where you going so early?" 

"I'm sorry I came back. You said go. I'm going." 

Roger nearly stumbled over the rug on the floor and Rafa frowned. He held onto Roger'd wrist and pulled him down next to him. Roger looked at him puzzled. 

"You dumb Roger?" 

"You have any doubts left still?" 

"Not really." 

"Good." 

"Who else did you send the video to? And who was that-" 

"I don't know and Rafa no. I'm not- I can't discuss it with you. I just can't..." 

"You either discuss it with me or you discuss it with world media. Shut up and answer" 

Roger sighed again. "I don't know who she saw." 

"What?" 

"I don't know her" 

"Not even a bit?" 

"Never seen before" 

"Jesus. What you do?" Rafa shook his shook his head and piched the bridgr of his nose, his nose wrinkling a bit. "Can I ask you something?" 

"Yeah, shoot" 

"Did you at least wear a condom?" 

Roger looked at him horrified and disgusted at the same time. "Rafa! I don't know. God. Just stop. Please. And let me go. I don't care if I wore a condom or not okay? I'll just die in some corner of the world if I have got AIDS or HIV or whatever." 

"That's okay then. You can die on your own. Is fine, no?" 

Roger smiled sadly, "sure". That was Rafa, his Rafa, who just said that. Roger was only just beginning to realise how much he had lost. Just how much he had thrown away. Just how much he would never get back. He sniffled his nose and blinked the tears away and turned to Rafa. 

"Hey um, Rafa. Just, tell me okay? Tell me if this is- if we are- if it's over now? Please. Just tell me now. Don't leave me hanging. I probably deserve it I know but I'm neck deep, in guilt and terror... I can't take this ambiguity. Just tell me to fuck off if that's what you want... I won't... I promise I won't bother you. Promise." 

Roger could feel Rafa's eye burning holes in his head. He could feel the shallow and rhythmic breath of his lover. The same breath that he had so many times basked in as they kissed. Its sweet smell still lingering in his mind, making his heart beat faster. It didn't belong to him any more though. It was gone. All gone. Thrown away. 

Roger didn't dare to look up at Rafa as he contemplated. He found his nails more interesting. 

"I already say to you to go no?" 

Roger nodded. 

"Si. I stick to that. Is over. Si?" Roger couldn't help a gasp escaping him but he kept his mouth shut. This was it. It was all over. Nothing would ever be the same again. Rafa was never going to say "I love you" to him ever again. He had lost Rafa. He had lost everything. In just once night, everything changed. There was a pit in his stomach now, that was only getting deeper and deeper with every word Rafa spoke. And still Rafa kept on going "But I'll help you with this video blackmail issue and then is officially over okay?" 

Roger squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want this. It was too much heartache to have Rafa talk to him and help him and everything whilst at the same time not be his lover. He could barely sit next to Rafa without feeling this pain he was feeling right now. God knows how long this video issue would take to resolve. He would have to just take the torture Rafa decides to throw at him till it was all sorted out. But Roger didn't protest. He wasn't in this position to do so. Neither practically nor morally. Rafa was calling the shots this time, he just knew it. 

So he nodded again. 

"Good. Now go sleep in the other room. I'm going to sleep too. Okay?" 

"Yeah. Thanks" 

Rafa nodded and hopped off, climbing up the stairs and a few seconds later Roger heard his bedroom door shut close. 

Roger knew he promised himself he would allow the tears to flow once he was alone but no tears came. He was just a blank piece right now. He walked upto the spare bedroom. The one that he himself had designed two years ago. It was funny being a guest in a house he used to call his own. He undressed and got into bed, allowing sleep to claim him even as the tears began to flow. He was so tired he couldn't even cry properly. Shame really. 

\--- 

Roger woke up to Rafa knocking on the door. He groaned awake and sat up. "What the hell you knocking for Raf?" 

When no answer came, Roger realised why Rafa was knocking. Of course he was knocking. You don't just walk into a guest's bedroom without knocking, do you? Rafa would never come into his bedroom again. Ever. Roger was already on the point of a break down and the day had only just begun. The only reason the tears didn't come right now though, was because his eyes were dried up from all the crying he had done the previous night. 

He disentangled himself from the bedding and limped to the bathroom. His bags were downstairs. His clothes and his brush was downstairs. Everything was downstairs. 

He walked to the door, then paused. Guests don't walk around the house naked. He went back to his pile of clothes on the floor, second time in two days, and wore them as best he could. He opened the door and thudded downstairs, almost slipping over his own jeans. Good the railing was sterdy. 

He got to his bag in the hallway and turned to find Rafa looking at him dismayed. 

"Sorry" he mumbled as he walked passed him although he wasn't exactly sure what he was apologising for right now. But it sounded like an appropriate thing to say to he said it. 

When he came downstairs again, some thirty minutes later, he was in a slightly better state. Rafa was sitting on the kitchen counter, drinking his orange juice and swinging his legs back and forth slightly. He got off when Roger walked in, standing a little straighter. 

Roger didn't need to ask for directions as to where things were in the kitchen. All of Rafa's kitchens, everywhere in the world, had the same order. It helped him locate his way easily without having to think much. And of course, Roger could make coffee in sleep in any of Rafa's many houses. So he didn't bother asking for pointless things and just made himself some toast. 

He washed it down with a strong coffee and some Lindor chocolates he found in the drawers. He knew he would find them there. Rafa always stocked those in every house because they were Roger's favourite. Roger felt the knot in the back of his throat tighten as he unwrapped the last chocolate foil. These were kept here for him only. They will never be here again though. Because Roger won't be here again either. 

"So you going to Dubai?" 

"Yeah." 

"And what if this blackmail person still have the video anyway after you pay?" 

Roger shrugged. "What can I do?" 

"You need to tell police" 

Roger gasped and looked up at Rafa, "can't do that. The media will know" 

"Not if you tell Dubai police. They famous for their, how you say, secrecy?" 

"I mean yeah they are... But what if people here find out?" 

"How they will find? They won't. And if they do we deal with it then no?" 

"Yeah. I'll just quit tennis and go live in the Alps or something." 

"For sure. So I come with you till this is sorted okay?" 

"If you want Raf. You've got a tournament coming up" 

"Si. I win on clay, no problem no?" 

Roger smiled bitterly at the taunt but didn't say anything. He didn't feel like it. Every taunt directed at him by Rafa from now on was all a part of his repentance. Or that's how he was going to look at this situation anyway. 

Roger found himself in close company of the Spaniard for the next few hours on the plane. 

Below him, the clouds were white. Shining like the wings of an angel. If there ever was one. And beside him, was the bundle of excess energy who was sitting so quietly he almost looked like a picture. 

Rafa was reading a book. Some Spanish book. And Roger had resorted to watching the short selection of films which the plane offered. He had seen them all but he watched some again. There wasn't anything else to do.

If this journey were happening a week ago, Roger knew exactly what they would be doing right now. They would be making full use of that private cabinet at the rear end of the plane. Or at least sitting together and cuddling. Or at the very least, chatting and giggling and having an amazing time. But it wasn't a week ago. It was today. And today was very different than even twenty four hours ago, let alone a week. 

But that didn't really stop the thought flourishing in his mind and Roger shifted uncomfortably, suddenly so hot in his leather seat. The more he tried pushing it away, the more it kept coming back. Rafa and him. In that room. A week back. 

This was torture. Absolute torture. Roger knew it was. But what could he do? 

He shifted again, gaining a glance from the Spaniard from the other seat, but refusing to let his frustration show so clearly. He needed something to get his mind off. He scrolled through the telly infront of him and came across a cartoon section. He clicked the first cartoon he saw, and a series of colourful animals and birds and god knows what, danced infront of him. It was a good turn off. A great one, even. 

They landed by the time the program finsihed and Roger was thankful for finally getting out of that torture chamber. 

"First go police?" 

"Can we eat something first? I'm starving." 

"Si. Me too." 

No one spoke another word as Roger drove them to their favourite place in Dubai. The Indian curry here was unrivaled. They both loved it. This was likely the last time they would come here to eat together. Roger ordered for them both, they always took the same dishes each time and they dug in together. For the last time. 

"Go to police now?" Rafa asked as they got back into the car. 

"Yeah." 

Roger parked in the front of the luxury building that called itself the Police Station and they both got out. 

"What you say to them?" 

"What can I say? I'll say the truth" 

"You show them the video?" 

Roger looked at him as they walked into the building and the air-conditioning engulfed them. "You said tell them." 

"Si I know..."

"You're worried it'll humiliate me? Doesn't matter. Can't be more embarrassed anyway." 

Rafa nodded as the receptionist welcomed them, clearly recognising them both. 

"We have some urgent business with the chief on duty please." 

"Sure sir. Please have a seat" 

"Thank you" 

They took a seat in the lavish waiting area and it was only five minutes before someone who looked like he had authority joined them. 

He shook their hands and led them to his office. "Please have a seat. I'm Abdullah Rehman, the chief here. Pleasure to meet you gentlemen. Oh, would you like some dates?" 

He offered them a small tray with dates and almonds, which Roger declined but Rafa accepted. Roger knew well Rafa's weakness with anything sweet. He allowed a small inwardly smile at his lover's, or ex-lover's, eager accpetance. 

"So how can I help?" 

"Yes. Um." 

The air thickened considerably suddenly, and Rafa's eyes fixed on him. Roger took a breath in and swallowed. "I got drunk the night before and got involved with a lady at a club. As you well know, we often don't realise what we are doing under the influence of alcohol. I didn't either. I took a video, nothing with nudity in it, but fairly intimate of me dancing with this lady. Today morning I see that same video sent to me by text. With a ransom demand." 

Roger did not pause, hesitate or stutter once during the narration. He was impressed with himself. He wasn't feeling an iota of the confidence that he was so amazingly displaying but it was a great act. He knew Rafa was looking at him awestruck too. He could see him from the corner of his eyes. 

The chief, hadn't as much as wavered. He was probably too used to rich and spoilt people coming to him with similar problems. Roger was only sad that he was amongst that rich and spoilt group too now. 

"Mr Federer, can I see the texts?" 

"Yes of course." 

Roger showed him the text and the video and he nodded. He jotted down the number and called someone from his desk phone. 

"Trace this number please. Texting now." 

He texted it to someone and waited for a reply. 

"Right. This number no longer exists. It was purchased this morning and immediately discarded. Smart person."

Roger nodded.

"Mr Federer, you are staying where?"

"Jumeirah"

"Ah of course. If you could write me down your address, I'll send my officers with you. As guards. They'll also set up a tapping device on your landline. Don't worry. We got this."

"Okay that sounds very good actually." 

Roger wrote down his address and the chief nodded at it. "I'll send over people in an hour's time. Make sure you're home by then please"

"Of course. Sir, thank you so much"

"No no, it's my job and it was great to meet you Mr Federer and Mr Nadal. We admire your tennis."

Roger managed a strained smile and Rafa managed a slightly better one. Roger didn't know if he should even accept that compliment, considering he just told the man about the most disgusting side of himself and showed the video too. It just felt wrong that he was even complementing him at all. Shouldn't he be put off by what Roger had shown him? Or was he just that used to it that it didn't bother him anymore?

Roger banged the car door close rather loudly. He was feeling agitated and disgusted. He didn't deserve all the love he recieved from people. He just didn't deserve it. He let his head rest on his steering wheel and closed his eyes. 

He noticed Rafa getting in a moment later and straightened up. He didn't look at Rafa again for the rest of the afternoon. He couldn't bear to look at him because he knew Rafa would read his humiliation like an open book. And he couldn't take it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments guys, it's really appreciated! I know I'm not replying like I usually do but I do read them. Keep them coming ;)
> 
> Enjoy XD
> 
> xx

He opened the door to his three-million dollar villa in Jumeirah. A see view, a terrace, six bedrooms, a heated pool and a gym. And everything absolutely useless. 

Roger tossed his bags in some corner and headed for the voice-controlled coffee machine. 

"One Double Expresso. With ice" Then turned and spoke a bit louder. "Alexa, switch the AC on please." 

"AC is now on Roger." 

"Thanks" 

"You are welcome Roger." 

Roger sighed and heard Rafa suppress a grin behind his hand. Well, at least someone found it amusing. 

He collected his coffee and headed to the glass panels facing the see. He didn't need to tell Rafa to make himself at home, he had been here more times than he could count. Rafa knew everything around this area, more so than Roger even. So he let Rafa be and sat down with his chilled coffee. 

He could hear Rafa shuffling about the house in the background but he didn't bother looking back. He was sure Rafa wanted some peace. 

"Where is my Chinese tea packs? You drink them all?" 

"Yeah. Sorry. Alexa order some Chinese tea please" 

"Chinese tea ordered from local store. Delivery at 5 pm" 

"And shut up" 

"Shutting down" 

Roger groaned his frustration and took a gulp from his coffee. The ice clinked against his teeth and he winced. Too cold. 

Roger didn't hear from Rafa again. He presumably went to have rest in one the bedrooms. Roger wondered which bedroom he had gone too, theirs or some other one. He didn't mind either way. Whichever bedroom Rafa wanted, he could have that. Roger would move out if need be. 

Roger realised he had been sitting here for almost an hour and the evening brought about a wave of seaside coolness. He got up and walked to the front of the house, peeking out and seeing the guards standing at the gate. They hadn't come in like the chief had said they would so Roger decided to go and ask. The air was turning breezy and dusty outside. Another sandstorm was probably due soon. 

"Hey, would you guys like some tea or coffee?" 

"No sir, thanks" 

"Okay. Um Mr Rehman was saying you'll tap the landline, do you want to come in for that?" 

"No sir. It's all wireless now. We've already done it. All calls coming to your house will be recorded now." 

"Oh. That's nice. Thanks." 

"If you get any texts on your mobile please tell us. If you want your mobile tapping also, let us know" 

"Um no thanks, I'll tell you personally" 

"Ok sir. Good evening" 

"Good evening." 

Roger walked back in. He was surprised how easily his house was now tapped. If he hadn't asked, he wouldn't even know. Technology was a scary thing. 

"Rafa?" He called out, heading upstairs. He found Rafa in one of the spare bedrooms and his heart sank a bit. He was almost hoping he would take the master bedroom, even though Roger knew he would have to move out if he did. At least it would smell like him after he left. Maybe he could move in the spare bedroom after he was gone. Just for a few days. 

"Si?" 

"They've tapped the landline." 

"Oh that's good. You get anymore texts?" 

"No." 

And then his phone beeped. He caught Rafa's eye as he took his phone out. He could see the anxious anticipation in his eyes, just like his own. 

He opened the phone and read the text. It was another unknown number. A different one though. He could feel Rafa join him at his side, his scent hitting Roger with full-force, the heat from his body a tangible thing now. And Roger had to take a few breaths to drag his attention back to actually reading the text. 

"Guards and Police, huh? Get rid of them, Mr Federer." It read. 

And Roger's head basically snapped up, like he would find someone looking at him right now. Rafa was deathly calm beside him. 

How? Just how was this possible? Firstly, how did this person get the video? Secondly, how did they get Roger's number? Thirdly, how did they know where he lived? 

Roger almost sprinted to the balcony and waved to one of the guards frantically. He took notice and came to meet him at the door. Roger showed him the text and he looked even more confused than Roger. 

"How is this possible? They know more about you than we thought sir..." 

"Clearly. Now what though?" 

"You're not listening to them and getting rid of us right?" 

"What? Of course not." 

"Good, thank you. I'll send this number back to the quarters to check the location of purchase." 

"Please do." 

Roger looked around as he closed the gates. Suddenly he was feeling like his every move was being watched. And on top of that, he had brought Rafa here too. Not only was he himself in danger, Rafa was too. He was feeling extremely unsafe here and he wondered if he could persuade Rafa to leave. But he knew he would never agree to that. 

This was just getting too much. Way too much. He walked back to Rafa's room absently. 

"You need to find that girl" Rafa's voice made him jump. Then the words sank in and he frowned. 

"Where do I look for her in such a big city?" 

"You really not know her?" 

"I swear to God Raf. She was dancing on the dance floor. She was just there. I don't know her." 

"Go to that club? Or the hotel where you stayed? Someone know something no?" 

"Yeah. I suppose. We'll go now actually. You can stay here." But then he realised Rafa was better off with him rather than alone, despite the security. "No actually, you come with me. Is that okay?" 

"Si. I'll just get changed." 

"Yeah" Roger stayed where he was though and Rafa looked at him like he was stupid. Roger saw him starting at him and frowned. Now what? 

"You go out si? I get changed?" 

"Oh" Roger walked back out and closed the door. It was a small thing. Rafa asking him to leave his room as he got changed. But it implied and reinforced huge things. Even Rafa knew that Roger had seen him naked a milliom times. But it wasn't about that. It was the symbolic gesture of reminding Roger that he didn't have the right to Rafa's privacy anymore. It was a reminder of the wall that now stood between them. Roger had no right to Rafa anymore. 

Roger stood by the closed door thinking about this new situation and when it opened Rafa almost jumped. Then frowned and walked passed Roger. Roger followed him, almost numbly. Rafa got behind the wheel this time and Roger took the seat next to him. 

"Which club you go? Al-Shab?" 

"Yeah" 

Rafa smirked bitterly and shook his head. Rafa just knew Roger too well. Al-Shab was the most renowned club for elites who wanted to hook up. Roger hadn't actually gone there for that to be honest, he didn't set out from his hotel with a revenge in mind. But he just ended up there anyway. In the perfect place with perfect opportunists. 

But that smirk got to Roger. He suddenly felt the need to explain that he hadn't set off with sex in mind. "I didn't go there because I wanted to hoo..." But then he faltered. As if Rafa would believe that. And surely enough, the look Rafa gave him next said anything but belief. So Roger decided it was best to just shut up. The damage was already done anyway. No point explaining now. 

The club was, as expected, closed. They walked to the back entrance and rang the buzzer. A man with a deep Arabic accent answered. 

"Hello, how can I help?" 

"Hi. We need to see the manager urgently please" 

"You are?" 

"Roger Federer." 

The man laughed on the other side. "Sir, this is not a good time to joke. Please come back later." 

And then the buzzer was off. Roger glared at the buzzer and then at Rafa again, who was looking at the buzzer pretty blankly too. He caught Roger's eye and a small smile played on the corner of his mouth. Roger rolled his eyes and pressed the buzzer again. 

"Hello. How can I help?" 

"Look I'm not joking. I am Roger Federer. If you don't let me in I'm calling the owner of this club and getting you fired." Agitation was catching up with Roger and he was surprised by how threatening he could sound. 

"Sorry sir, please push the door sir." 

"Thank you." 

The buzzer went off and the door opened with a soft click. Roger caught Rafa's eye and gave him a smug look. Now it was Rafa's turn to roll his eyes. 

They got in and presumably the same man greeted them with an expression of awe. He looked at Roger and blinked. Then looked at Rafa and gaped. Roger snapped a hand in front of him and brought his attention back to him. "We need to see the manager please." 

"Yes sir. Sure sir" 

He disappeared into the office and came back with a man in his fifties. 

"Yes? What would you like?" 

"I was here last night with a lady I didn't know. I would like to find out who she was. Would you be able to help me with that?" 

"A lady? Name?" 

"I don't know" 

"Any information?" 

"None" 

Roger felt Rafa sigh from next to him, reminding him of how stupid he was. The manager looked very serious now, looking at some point behind Roger in utmost concentration. Roger didn't know if he was thinking or just passing the time after a few seconds. 

Suddenly the man looked back at Roger again, like snapping out a trance. 

"You know her face?" 

"Yes of course. I can recognize her." 

"Ok. We have CCTV of everyone who comes in. It's not good quality but..." 

"But it'll do. I can definitely recognise her." 

Roger didn't miss how Rafa cocked an eyebrow at that but he ignored it. He couldn't let his emotions overwhelm him right now. First he needed to find this girl. 

The manager led them to a small and dusty room where an age old computer sat proudly in the middle. He pressed a few button and typed a few codes and the screen beeped to life. 

"Around what time you came sir?" 

"Um, time... I can't really remember what time it was..." 

"Around twelve" Rafa answered and Roger frowned at him in question. 

"You end the call at eleven no? So I guess it must be twelve si?" 

"Yeah must be. And left around 4 probably." This was only getting more and more embarrassing. 

The manager nodded and flicked through a few hours of recording and Roger saw himself walk in at 12:31 in the morning. He looked at Rafa sideways but found no expression on his face. 

The manager forwarded a few hours. And Roger could see himself on the dance floor already drunk as hell and been dancing for hours. And there she was, dancing with him in the middle of the dance floor. As the time neared three though his heart picked some real pace. He didn't want to see this on camera. Not infront of this manager. And certainly not infront of Rafa. He felt sick as he watched the time on the monitor hit 3.00 am and the manager stopped forwarding. The recording now played at normal speed. 

She was flushed against him and he had let her. In fact, he had leaned in more. 

Roger shifted from one leg to the other, feeling Rafa's tense shoulders next to him. The manager played his part well though, and didn't even take any notice of what he was seeing. 

Roger watched himself take the phone out at 3.33 am and position the camera infront of himself and the girl. He watched as shouted mutely at the camera and pulled the girl closer. Roger closed his eyes when he saw himself rock his hip against the girl before crashing their lips together. 

Rafa was still next to him, tension radiating and pulsing between them now. 

The recording still kept going though. Roger watched himself spent some time looking into his phone, showing the girl something and giggling away and then he put the phone away, presumably after sending Rafa the video, and then he was back to dancing. 

It was sickening watching this but it was also necessary. It was another twenty minutes before they stumbled off the dance floor and made their way to the exit. 

The manager changed the cameras and it now showed the camera near the exit. Roger saw himself and the girl exit the club, with his an arm around her and her head rested against his chest. The manager paused the video then and zoomed in on her face. 

Roger heard Rafa breathe in and out heavily as her face showed up more clearly. She was beautiful. There was no doubt about that. 

"Sir we don't list people's names here unless they are on guest list. But even then, we can't match faces with names. But I can print this frame for you so you have a photo of her." 

"Yes. Yes please. That would be great." 

The manager played around a bit more with the old machine and the printed jerked to life. 

"Here you go sir. If you like, I can ask my staff if they know her?" 

It was a good idea but Roger didn't want this to get out and the less it is discussed the better. "No that's okay. I don't want this to spread" 

"Of course sir." 

Roger nodded his thanks and turned to leave when he realised Rafa was still staring at the screen. He nudged him gently and Rafa blinked at him, then looked at the manager. 

"Can I have copy of footage from 3 to 4 please?" 

"Um, yes sir... Just give me a moment." 

Rafa nodded mutely and leaned against the wall. Roger's gut was twisting at Rafa's words. Why did he want it? Why keep something that will give him so much pain? Just why? He was trying to read Rafa's face, trying to find traces of emotion but it was all blank. 

About ten minutes later, the manager returned with a DVD and handed it to Rafa. They thanked the manager and walked back to their car. Roger was dying to ask him why but he couldn't bring himself to. His heart was breaking inside him just thinking that Rafa might replay that recording at some point in the future. That he might see it happen again. That it will hurt him all over again. 

Then, as if reading Roger's mind, Rafa spoke. "Is good memo, no?" 

"Rafa..." Roger's breath hitched as he whispered the one name that meant everything to him. He looked away, away from Rafa, away from his honest eyes and heartbroken face. He looked away because he couldn't stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. 

They went to the hotel next which was only across the road. The register at the hotel named their entry as: "Mr and Mrs Federer." 

Roger took in a surprised breath. Wow. He had some guts. But he knew they wouldn't be allowed a room in Dubai without claiming a marrriage anyway so it was obvious you would register as a married couple. But even then. What a gutsy thing to do. 

Still, it didn't give him any information about the girl or who she was. This was all proving a pointless exercise. One that was only hurting Rafa more and more. 

They drove back home with the only achievement being the girl's photo. He supposed it was better than nothing because they could give it to the police but apart from that, it was pretty rubbish. 

The blackmailer had said he wanted money at some point but he had not mentioned the amount or the time. So all he could do was wait really. And now, apparently, they had an eye on his house too. 

The first thing Roger did when he got home was closing the windows and drawing the curtains and making sure all the doors were locked before heading to the bedroom. He passed Rafa's room on the way and the door was left a crack open. He knew he shouldn't but he peered in through the small gap anyway. He saw Rafa standing by the window, his shoulders were shaking and his head was ducked. 

Roger felt his own eyes tingling with tears as he watched his lover cry silently. There wasn't a thing he could do about it. He couldn't walk in and hug him. He couldn't say sorry. He couldn't do anything but watch. And it hurt. It killed him. 

He watched Rafa silently for a few minutes, then walked away reluctantly, each step heavy with regret and guilt. 

He got to his room and opened his laptop, scrolling through his facebook and twitter. Nothing interested him even remotely though so he shut the flap again. The bed was inviting but knowing that Rafa was only a few rooms away, he couldn't bring himself to get in bed. If Rafa was around, they should be in bed together. But they weren't. They were so far away. If only he hadn't done this. If only he had resisted the impulse. If only... 

\--- 

Rafa's screaming jolted him awake and had him scrambling out of bed, plunging for Rafa's room. He yanked the door open and ran in, finding Rafa kicking about on the bed. 

"Raf!" 

Rafa was wild. It was a dream and at least that was okay. Roger had fully expected something much worse for a good few seconds there. Dreams could be broken. Real life events couldn't. He climbed on the bed and shook Rafa vigorously. He could see the tears running down his cheeks from his closed eyes. 

"Raf wake up! It's a dream!" 

Rafa sat up and hugged him tightly. Roger gasped as the air was sucked out of him but he hugged back. His fingers instinctively finding their way to Rafa's hair and his hand rubbing soothing circles on Rafa's back as he cried into Roger's shoulder. 

"él es cruel... Rogi- él es cruel!" 

Roger picked on his name paired with the word cruel and that was enough for him to know he was the reason of this nightmare. It was his fault. 

"I know baby, I'm cruel. I know" he whispered softly into Rafa's hair. He shut his eyes on the suffocating guilt and gasped as Rafa hugged him even tighter, his half-chewed nails digging angry trails into Roger's back. 

Rafa cried for some more time, clinging to Roger in a state of half-wakefulness. When he stopped crying, Roger wasn't sure if was because he was asleep again or because he had just calmed down enough. He disentangled himself enough to look at Rafa who had his eyes closed, a frown fixed on his tear-strained face. 

Despite himself, Roger smiled. Rafa was always beautiful, no matter how he was. He was always so beautiful and innocent. Roger laid him back down, resting his hands on his stomach. He pulled the duvet up till his waist, just the way he liked it. Rafa's hair clung to his face and the frown was still etched firmly on his strong features. Roger pushed the hair back gently and softly massaged Rafa's temples. He watched the peaceful expression return on the Spaniard's face as he relaxed into Roger's touch. Roger smiled again and leaned in to place a kiss on his forehead. But then he stopped, lips only inches away from the soft skin under him. He couldn't. Rafa was asleep and he didn't say he could. Of course, Rafa would never know. But that didn't matter. Roger took a deep breath in and straightened, the kiss still lingering on his lips but it will stay there. Maybe forever. Unrequited. 

He looked one last time at his lover before padding to the door gently and closing it. 

If there ever was one thing he could ask for, any one thing he genuinely wanted with all his heart, he would ask for one last kiss from Rafa. 

Even if it was only to say goodbye.


	4. Chapter 4

The morning came with it's usual Middle Eastern warmth. 

Roger dug around for his sweatpants and a tee. He found the former, but no luck with the latter. He abandoned the search after five minutes because he was absolutely starving. 

He found Rafa in the living room, playing on the PlayStation. He didn't even glance at Roger as he walked passed. Roger let him be and poured himself some milk for the cereal. He took the bowl to the living room and sat on the other couch, looking at Rafa play football with unmasked dedication. 

They sat in silence till Rafa lost whatever match he was playing and he turned the consoler off, annoyed with himself. Always the competitor. 

His eyes flickered over to Roger and then skidded down his body. Roger suddenly became aware that he wasn't wearing a shirt. He shifted a little, slouching a bit more so he wasn't sitting up straight, like that was going to cover his chest for him, and decided to focus on his cereal instead. 

Rafa walked over to the patio outisde and sat in the morning sun. From here Roger could see the bronze tan that painted his back. He only just realised that Rafa wasn't actually wearing a top either. He was so engrossed in his own awkwardness he barely noticed what Rafa was wearing.

Roger watched the dance of the muscles that flexed under Rafa's skin. His back held a fine sheen of sweat now, glinting the light just so. His sides were almost shining in the sun and it only accentuated the arc of back further. The arc that led down, down, down to the waistband that hung low on waist. 

Rafa stetched his hands up and yawned, his torso looking even more elegant as he did and Roger almost lost himself admiring his natural grace.

And then Rafa was looking back at him with a mocking glint in his eyes. Roger looked away as a blush crept on his cheeks. He should've known Rafa was going to look back just to check if Roger was looking. He should've known this was all a tease. He should've known Rafa was playing with him. But if he was being honest, he didn't mind Rafa's torture. He was fine with whatever Rafa wanted him to go through. He was just going to take it. 

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and answered it immediately. It was the chief inspector.

"Morning Mr Rehman."

"Morning! Mr Federer thank you so much for the photo of that girl. Unfortunately she does not have any criminal records so her face doesn't match with our database. But we are tracing the numbers that have been used to text you... Once we find where those sim-cards were purchased from, we will have a better idea of where to look."

"Right, okay. That's very good, thank you."

"If you have any more texts, let us know immediately"

"Yes of course. Do you think that girl is even involved in this?"

"It's very likely. We think she might be a- hooker, who saw a golden chance in you... She could have more people with her too. We don't know yet."

"Right. Well thanks for keeping me posted Mr Rehman."

"Okay. I'll update you as and when"

"Sure. Bye."

Roger frowned at his phone. This was going slower than he liked. Of course, he knew that the police probably had other more pressing matters on hand. But he was sure it could go a touch faster than this. It had been two days now and nothing much had happened. 

In fact, even the blackmailers were laid back. They didn't seem to be in any rush to get the money either. None of this was helping his anxiety though. That video was still with whoever it was and they could release it. And that would be the end of basically everything. What would he say to the Swiss press? 'I got drunk and fucked up'? 

Roger tossed his phone on rug and put his bowl of cereal away. 

He noticed himself in the mirror in the hallway. God, he looked tired. There were dark circles forming below his eyes now and he looked like a zombie, pale and tired. 

He saw Rafa walk back in, having had enough of the sun, and stand behind him. Roger watched Rafa's eyes glide over his back and then back to his face. He caught Roger's eye in the mirror and shrugged.

"Cat scratch you on the back Roger?" 

Roger was about to point out that those scratches were, in fact, from Rafa's nails from last night, not the girl's. But he stopped short of it. He didn't want to put Rafa in an awkward situation. What difference would it make if Rafa thought they belonged to the girl? It wasn't going to change anything. So Roger just looked away and let the moment pass. 

The day passed in pointless moping and Roger really began to wonder if the blackmailer really had any intention of extracting money at all. 

He had been on the phone a few times with Mr Rehman by nightfall, and he said they had found the locations of purchase of the three different sim-cards that produced the three different numbers. They were all from one small area near the city centre, which likely meant that's where his culprits lived. 

So the police were now discretely searching for the girl in that area, asking people if they recognise her. But they had to be very careful in their search as any explicit searching was dangerous. 

The night had brought with it a fresh sandstorm. From his room facing the sea, Roger could hardly see anything. He wondered how the guards were coping with this outisde, although he was sure they had proper equipment to deal with this weather. He also wondered how Rafa was coping with it. Rafa hated storms. Although there no lightning here, there was thunder and the load roar of the wind. Roger wondered if he should go and check on him. Then abandoned the idea. He wasn't sure Rafa would like that.

He heard a knock on the door and shouted a "come in Rafa" 

"Roger. Is very bad weather outside. My window is not closing properly. All sand come in no?" 

"Oh god. Let's have a look" 

"Si please." 

Roger followed Rafa to his room, and found the tiny sand particles pooling around the edges of the skirting. He frowned and walked to the window, fiddling with the latch. The window only opened a tiny bit, prevented by a hinge to open fully, but the hinge had locked and now it wouldn't close either. 

"Um, can you get me the screwdriver from downstairs please?" 

"Si. One moment." 

Roger sat on the window sill and waited for Rafa to get back. It only took him a few minutes to get back. 

"Here you go." 

"Ah cheers. Look this won't budge." 

Rafa peered at the hinge as Roger tried to get the screws lose. But he couldn't see too well with the wind blowing the sand in his face from the small gap. 

"Leave it, no? Sand will hurt your eyes" 

Roger glanced at Rafa through squinted eyes. He was so close, peering at the hinge in concern. Rafa saw Roger looking at him and his face turned softer. Roger was suddenly aware how close they were standing. Another gust of wind brought fresh sand and Rafa wrinkled his nose at the it. Roger couldn't help smiling at that, Rafa wrinkling his nose was always the cutest thing he would ever see. It was moments like these, when the boy within showed up again. The boyish mischief and innocence that Roger always loved the most about him. Rafa was always so open for him, so accessible emotionally as well as physically, that it never occured to him how it would feel to suddenly lose that accessibility.

Now he knew how it felt to be closed off. To be pushed away. To be kept at a distance. And it wasn't nice. Roger found his eyes lingering on Rafa's lips, their supple texture still a vivid memory in his mind. He looked back into Rafa's eyes, there display of sadness and hurt was like a stab in his heart. And Roger felt dizzy with the emotions that swirled in those eyes.

His grip on the screwdriver loosened and the tool skidded across the floor a few feet away. 

Rafa was the first to snap out and look away. Roger followed suit, blinking at the sand flowing around the room. He hopped down from the window sill and strode over to the screwdriver, turning back to see Rafa looking at him.

He saw a bright spot behind Rafa and frowned. It got closer and closer and then Roger was yanking Rafa towards him, turning them around and ducking for cover as the glass exploded behind them and the shards rained around them. A rock, wrapped in paper that was set alight thudded somewhere on the floor in distance.

"The fuck? Raf, you okay?" Roger clammered up and grabbed Rafa, checking for injuries even as he spoke.

His heart thundered inside him as he held Rafa close. He looked back at the exploded window, the wind just blowing in now. 

Rafa was limp in his arms he noticed and pulled back again, panic gripping him.

"Are you hurt? Rafa? Rafa, speak!" 

"Okay- I'm okay." 

Roger eyed him for a few more seconds before nodding. He walked over to the window, trying to see who threw the rock and where from but no luck. 

He walked back to Rafa and took his wrist.

"Right. Come with me, we are getting out of here." 

They were in the corridor when Roger's phone beeped and he fished it angrily. Another text.

"You were told to get rid of the police. Don't make me repeat myself." 

Roger put the phone away and winced. He looked down at his arm, which was swollen red. He frowned. The ball of fire must've scraped over his arm as it landed. 

It didn't matter though. He just needed to tell the police right now, this instance and get them somewhere safe.

But Rafa stopped him and pulled him back. "You hurt Rogi?" 

Roger paused at the name. The name he had heard after god knows how many days now. Rogi. How he loved hearing it, rolling off Rafa's tongue with ease, making him his own property. 

Rafa examined the burn and winced. Then shook his head angrily. "I tell them no?" 

"But Raf-" 

"No. I tell them. You sit in the living room." 

There was no room for argument in the way Rafa said that so Roger just went and sat in the living room, waiting tensely as Rafa opened the door to call the guards in. He heard it close and then heard Rafa's voice, firm and unrelenting. 

"We just have a fire ball, a *fire* ball, thrown in from back window. Roger got hurt. What you are doing? You are security no? This is security? We look safe? No. We feel safe? No. Then what you do standing there? Tell me!" 

Roger almost grinned at the tone. Rafa angry and shouting was a sight to behold. He looked so adorable. He didn't know how anyone like Rafa could be so angry, it just felt like a paradix in itself. 

Roger didn't hear the response from the guards but he gathered they had gone to Rafa's room to see what had happened. 

After a few minutes he heard Rafa agian. "The blackmailer send a new text and tell you to go. So now we should listen to them, no? And be scared. Call your boss, I talk to him." 

Then a few seconds later Roger heard Rafa again, presumably on the phone this time. 

"Mr Rehman, we get attacked just now in Roger home. This is not acceptable, no? We are in Dubai. Dubai. And we get attacked in home? What are you doing? And now we get a text telling us to send guards away. What do you say we do now?!" 

Roger heard Rafa utter a few affirmatives and a few more taunts and jabs before finally walking in the living room. Roger couldn't help a small smile creep up on his lips. 

"Roger. He say lot of things. Long story. But they set up some security measures in the house now, like protective glass? But they offer us two rooms in the police quarters for one, two nights. They say they find the poeple till then. Is that okay?" 

Roger nodded. It sounded like a good idea. This house was really not feeling safe at the moment. 

Within the next hour, they were being given keys to two luxurious apartments reserved for the police only. This was the safest place ever apparently. But Roger was actually getting more concerned about the video being released. How could the police be so calm about that? 

"Mr Federer, we are sorry you and your guest Mr Nadal faced so much trouble. We apologise deeply." Mr Rehman looked like he had walked straight out of bed, only with his uniform rather than without it. Roger wondered if he had slept in his uniform too because it looked pretty creased. 

"Mr Rehman, I understand it is not your fault. But I'm worried about the video. What if they put it on the internet? You don't seem concerned about that" 

Mr Rehman gave him a warm smile before nodding, "No one throws away the bait before the fish is caught, do they Mr Federer?" 

Roger observed him for a few seconds, then nodded. It was true. They wouldn't release the video because that was their only source of income. They would have nothing left if it got out. So he didn't need to worry about it. Right now anyway. 

When they were left alone, he glanced at Rafa, who was looking into his phone. He frowned. 

"How can you just fuck *anyone* Roger?" 

The question stunned Roger. He wasn't expecting that right now. Rafa looked up from the phone and Roger's heart shattered. There was so much pain in those eyes. And he was the reason for it all. 

"Raf, I didn't know what I was doing..." 

"Just how though? How you can do that? Is so stupid!" 

"I know. Stupid and cruel." 

Rafa frowned at the word cruel, then his eyes widened fractionally before frowning again. "Did I scratch you before?" 

Roger shrugged, then shook his head. "No wasn't you." 

"Was, si. Was me. I dream no? You were really there. I thought I imagine it" 

"Doesn't matter. Anyway, goodnight Raf." 

Roger entered the key and turned it, opening the lock and the door. He picked up his bags and bit down on the wince. His arm was killing now. They had offered him first aid and it had been better. But it still hurt like hell. 

And then there was Rafa's hand on the bag, prompting him to let go as he carried it in. Roger followed him, fully expecting him to leave as soon as the bag touched the floor. Instead, Rafa opened the bag and got his pyjamas out for him. He even made him a hot chocolate whilst he got changed and offered him paracetamol for the pain. 

Roger didn't know if he would ever understand Rafa. He was a puzzle sometimes. He was mad at Roger but he was still helping him out. Why not just leave him to feel the pain? He deserved it. But Roger knew Rafa wasn't like that. He was the kindest person he knew. He would help people who didn't even deserve it, like himself. Roger watched Rafa put the mug of hot chocolate away and move his bags to his room. Roger didn't kniw what to say so he didn't say anything.

"See you tomorrow si?" Rafa whispered after he was done with the bags.

Roger just nodded. He couldn't even look at Rafa. He just couldn't. He just looked at the floor and heard Rafa walk to the door and open it. He could feel eyes on him before the door closed. Roger wondered if imagined the soft whisper of "Rogi" as the door shut close. He didn't know. 

"See you Raf" Roger whispered, although there was no one to hear it. 

\--- 

"Sir, we think this is the same girl." The police officer showed him a photograph of a woman standing on a pavement. Roger had to squint to even have a guess. He couldn't tell. She looked like her with black flowing hair and a slim figure but that could be anyone. 

"Such good photo you have..." Rafa remarked as he sat down next to Roger. Roger was glad Rafa joined him. He hadn't seen the Spaniard since morning and he was already missing him. He wondered how he was going to survive after he went. But that question was for another day. 

"This is an outdoor CCTV sir, not very good quality or angle I know" 

"Hmpf yeah." 

Roger shook his head in exasperation, "I mean yeah, she had long black hair and she is thin... But I can't tell from just that can I?" 

The guard nodded in understanding. The photo was a sideway one, hair covering half her face and the only thing that was most prominent really was her figure. Features were completely obscured.

The guard looked like he wanted to say something but hesitated. Roger sensed it and nodded at him, urging him to go on. 

"No nothing sir." 

"Go on." 

"I mean long hair, thin figure and also... Like, shape? It can be an identification factor in our field..." 

It took Roger a few moments to understand what the guy was saying. Shape? And then it made sense. The guy was talking about the curves of her body. His eyes flickered over to Rafa who had resigned to just pretending to be deaf, which was good at least. Roger looked back at the photo and tried to recall dancing with her. He swallowed thickly when the recollection matched to the photo; she did have generous curves despite the thin figure as did the woman in the photo. 

Roger looked at the police officer and nodded once. He seemed to have gotten the point and nodded back. It was most likely her. 

"This girl was seen around quite a few places sir. We are close to closing in on her." 

"Great thanks" Roger mumbled and was glad when the guy finally left. Rafa shifted uncomfortably in his seat and Roger buried his face in his hands. He could just drown in shame right now. He literally could. 

What was he doing? Identifying girls like that? How cringey was that? Just. God. 

He groaned his frustration and got up. "Having a drink. You want?" 

"No thanks. You have alcohol a lot these days no?" 

"Sometimes." 

"Like that night si?" 

"Rafa, let's not..." 

"Why not Roger? Is true. You drink, drink and drink and look where we are now. If you no drink, this no happen" 

"Rafa I don't drink like that everyday, you know that" 

"Si I know. You don't." 

"Then what are you trying to say?" 

"Nothing. Just, nothing no? You drink so much still you remember how the... girl was in so much detail" 

"God. I'm already grossed out, why are you being so-" 

"Hurtful? Mean? Bad?" 

"I'm really ashamed of what I did Rafa... It was the worst thing I could ever do, I know... your anger is justified. I just can't help what I do remember and what I don't though, can I?" 

"No" Rafa relented, sighing. He looked tired. "I not know why I'm snapping for that." 

Rafa sat heavily on the couch, rubbing his face tiredly. Roger sighed and gave up on the idea of having a drink. Suddenly drinks felt like a sin. 

He went and sat next to Rafa, though not too close and let his head fall back and closed his eyes, allowing the negative feelings to flood him. Running away was so tiring. 

Roger felt Rafa curl into his side and his eyes snapped open. He looked down at Rafa but didn't dare to move. 

"I hate you so much Roger." He whispered "So much. I wish I didn't. You know what hurt most? That you *wanted* to hurt me... You wanted to give me pain then no? Is not just about sex, you know is not. I just wish I can wake up and forget this. But I can't, no? I bloody can't. Why? Just why you had to do this Roger?" 

The knot in Roger's throat tightened to the point of painful and he looked up at the ceiling in a bid to prevent the tears. The reality of his future hit him once again. Rafa hated him now. And nothing, nothing, would ever compensate for what he had lost. 

He wanted to wrap his arms around Rafa. He wanted to comfort him. Let him cry. Let him shout and sob and rage. But his hands stayed exactly where they were. Not moving an inch.

Then, just as abruptly as he had curled into him, Rafa let go and got up. Leaving the room without as much as looking back at Roger. 

The cold air of the AC swept over him as Rafa's warmth dissipated in the air. Roger shivered and turned on his side, curling into where Rafa was a moment ago.

"Raf" was the only word that he could sob into the fabric of the couch but even crying was feeling useless now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the last chapter for you! I wasn't really planning on making it a proper series but hey, here we are anyway!
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed and thank you so much for all your lovely comments!
> 
> I'll be taking a break from fics for a few weeks :( but I really need to get some revision going now, it's high time :))
> 
> I'd love to know what you think of this last chapter, and I'm sorry it's a bit too long (also pardon the mistakes, it's not at all well edited), but I hope it lives upto it!
> 
> Thank you XD
> 
> xx

The two apartments they were given in the police quarters were adjacent to each other and shared the same hallway to the lift. 

Roger could hear Rafa speaking, or by the sound of it arguing, in Spanish with someone. He hadn't seen the Spaniard since yesterday afternoon when he left his room in anger. 

Hearing him outside now though, he was tempted to catch a glimpse. So he opened the door and peered out to see Rafa waiting for the lift. 

Roger couldn't understand what he was saying but he definitely looked a bit annoyed. Rafa turned and caught Roger watching him, then turned away again and hung up a few seconds later. 

"Everything okay?" 

"Si. Is okay." Rafa's blunt response was clearly designed to remind him of of their break-up. Roger wasn't supposed to be concerned anymore. He wasn't supposed to ask. He wasn't supposed to meddle in Rafa's business. But he couldn't help caring. He'd spent years caring for Rafa and it would take years more to stop it. And even then, he wasn't sure, he could stop. 

Roger knew Rafa wasn't going to tell him though so he gave up and went to close the door. At least he had seen Rafa now, that was good enough.

"Is there tennis court here?" Rafa's questions stopped him

"Tennis court? It's too hot right now though" 

"Si. Is okay, I need to practice. Is there?" 

"Um... I guess you could to the Jumeirah one that I go to. I don't know any others, especially near the police quarters." 

"Right okay thanks" 

"But who will you play with?" 

The lift beeped and the doors slid open. Rafa went in without looking back at Roger again. But just before the doors slid close, he answered "play myself" 

And then he was gone. Roger stood at his door and watched the lift counter go to ground floor. He sighed and closed his door. 

Rafa being so cold and abrupt hurt more than he thought. There were moments when it felt like Rafa was softer and more considerate and then there were moments when he was rash and uncaring. Roger couldn't blame him for the moods though. He knew he would've been like that too if he was on that side of the story. Maybe even worse. That Rafa was even here to help him was a privilege. He knew he'd be seeing very little of the Spaniard in the following months. And he didn't know how he was going to get through a single day without talking to Rafa. 

His phone rang and the name "Policeman 2" flashed on the screen. It was ridiculous how he actually had so many numbers of various members of the police saved on his phone now. He hardly remembered their faces but he had the numbers on his phone for almost five different individuals now. All this in just three days. 

"Hello?" 

"Sir, we have a plan" 

 

\--- 

 

Ten minutes later Roger was in the office downstairs across the table from two policemen he recognised as having chatted with before. 

"The girl is a hooker. She has been involved with many people in the past. But this would be her first criminal case. Her partners in crime are from similar backgrounds, they are a team basically. Now we have two options." 

"And those are?" 

"The first is go in and arrest them. We have their addresses and location. And the second is we lay a bait and wait for them to make a move." 

"I like the first one better." 

"It is better. The only problem is we don't have any proof that this girl is indeed the one blackmailing you. At no point did any of the texts reveal the identity of the sender, meaning she can deny any knowledge of this particular thing." 

"Oh. But she probably has the video on her phone. That's a proof." 

"It's a proof that you sent her the video. But whether she used it to blackmail you is a different matter because the sims she used were not registered on her name. They were randomly purchased." 

"That... Sucks" 

"Yeah it does." 

"So you suggest we, as in I, act as bait and just wait for whenever they decided to take this further." 

"Basically sir." 

"Wow. Three days and we've made progress" 

"Sorry sir, it's just we can't arrest them without good evidence and since this is a high profile case we don't want to make arrests without good evidence or it doesn't take much for news to leak out. We need to be sure we are arresting the people who are actually asking for ransom." 

"Yeah I understand... So what do you want me to do now?" 

"Go back to your house. Act like you're not taking help from police anymore. That's all sir." 

"That's all? That's a lot." 

"We've added in a lot of security measures there sir. You won't be in danger." 

Roger observed them for a few seconds and nodded. It wasn't like he had a better solution to offer, although he didn't fancy this one even a bit. 

He called Rafa as he headed back to his room for his stuff. He picked up after a good ten rings. 

"Can you um, come back? There's been some progress" 

He got an affirmative as an answer and then Rafa hung up. 

He had packed his bags when the bell rang. He let Rafa in and told him the entire story and the new plan the police had come up with. 

"That is not a plan. That is stupid. We not know how dangerous those people are. What if they do something to you?" 

"Yeah, well... They got a few things in place apparently." There was a knock on the door and Roger smiled, "and here they come now." 

They sat and watched with something akin to awe as Roger's phone was tapped, his jacket was fitted with a button size camera and the inside of his jeans was stitched to the tiniest GPS chip he had ever seen. 

After the technicians were done, the man in charge came upto him with a sheet and read it out loud. 

"This is to confirm that you have given us permission and access to the following: Your phone and it's messages and calls; your jacket for fitting a camera; and your jeans for a fitted GPS. You hereby declare that we can use the formation gained through these to aid our investigation of your case. This information will not be stored after the case is closed. Could you please sign this form to confirm that sir?" 

Roger blinked at him, then rolled his eyes. "Yeah sure" what a posh waste of everyone's time. 

He signed and returned the form and only then was he handed back his newly fitted clothes. 

"Is nice. Camera clothes." 

Roger arched an eyebrow at that and smiled. "Camera clothes? Nice name." 

"Si." 

"So anyway, I'm going back home now. You stay here. It's not safe there. Then, once it's all done you can... go, I guess" 

"You finish bossing around? Now, listen. I am coming with you." 

"Why?" Roger almost squeaked but then composed himself again. "I don't like the idea of having you there. What if they throw something again. Or worse, burn the house. Or something. And what if you get hurt? Oh my god, you nearly got killed the other day. No you're not coming." 

"I got killed big worry, but you get killed is fine?" 

"Who cares about me?" 

"Many people. Your kids. Fans. Everyone care." 

Roger smiled bitterly. "Yeah" 

"I am coming. Is final. When we leave?" 

"Tonight is a good idea." 

"Ok" 

 

\--- 

 

His own house stared back at him. "Alexa lights on." 

"Lights are on Roger" 

The lights flickered on and Roger felt a wave of relief wash over him. In a way he was glad Rafa was with him because he would be scared on his own. But also, if something bad happened, how would he protect Rafa? He knew it was irrational to think something bad would happen. The blackmailer wanted money, not to kill them. But fear knows no bounds. And Roger wasn't shying away from the fact that he was in fear right now. 

They walked in and Roger looked around the place. It was fitted with new and reinforced windows according to the police, although they looked no different than they had before. He decided to just trust the police though and believe that the windows were stronger than before. 

He reckoned staying together was a good idea. They didn't know how long the blackmailers would take to text again and it could be days but at least till it was morning again, it was better to stay in the same room. Roger knew for a fact that, the police were just a phonecall away. Anything suspicious and he was ringing straight away. But so far so good. 

He drew the curtains closed and locked the door a little superstitiously. He then made sure he had activated the secuirty system so that any break in attempt would let the whole neighbourhood know that something was wrong. 

Then, after he thought the house was as secure as he could possibly make it in these circumstances, he dragged the spare inflatable mattress into the living room. 

"You want to take the couch or the mattress?" 

"No mind. Couch is good." 

"Okay. And the blanket is there if you want it." 

"Si thanks." 

Roger got into his rather bouncy bed and pulled the covers over him. "Alexa, dim the lights please" 

"Lights are now dimmed Roger." 

Roger scowled at the machine. He decided he was going to get rid of it the first chance he got. The robotic voice was getting to him now. Still, it did do its job. The lights dimmed just right and he sank into his mattress. 

Roger turned so he was facing away from Rafa. He couldn't bare seeing him there and knowing he couldn't walk over to cuddle up. At least this way he could pretend Rafa wasn't there in the first place. It worked for a while. Till Rafa's phone vibrated and then he was reminded again. 

He heard Rafa shift around to get the phone and a small doubt peeked its head in Roger's mind. Were they now texting Rafa too? He turned and sat up, observing Rafa as he read whatever he was reading. He looked up at the phone and cocked his eyebrows at Roger in question. 

"I thought it might be the blackmailer for a second there." 

"No no. Is Nike. They keep sending new designs for approval. I tell them I no care but they still send anyway" 

"Ah right" Roger lied back down, facing Rafa this time. "Same. I remember how they harassed you for the sleeveless top for the Aussie." 

"Si. They wanted capris too. But that was too much!" 

"I know... I think they would look good though" 

"Si. But that was old time no? Now is not old times. Now is now." 

"Yeah. True. I wish..." 

Rafa caught his eye but then looked away. A few long seconds dragged by before he spoke again. "You should try sleeveless" 

The change of subject didn't go unnoticed by Roger. He was thankful for it. "I won't look good." 

Roger just realised they were whispering. There was no one to hear them and they could literally shout. But there was always something about nights that made you want to whisper. They always did that in bed too. They never spoke loudly even when there was no one around. 

"You don't have bad arms. Just skinny." 

"Not like yours. Your arms are se..." 

Roger stopped himself. The word sexy just did not feel right anymore. Nothing felt right anymore. But addressing Rafa with it felt even worse somehow. 

Rafa smiled softly, a bit sadly, but didn't say anything. And then there was just silence and the cool hum of the AC. 

Roger watched as Rafa's breathing evened out, his sides moving in a shallow and relaxed manner. He had his face turned away from Roger and his hair was spiking at odd angles. His arm rested across his stomach and his legs were crossed at the ankle. A picture of perfect, if there was one, would be this, Roger thought. 

He let himself take the sight in as he drifted away. He wanted to memorise it forever. It would help in keeping him sane on the nights that were going to follow. 

It was around 1 in the morning when he woke up again. He walked to the kitchen and had a drink of water. 

When he came back Rafa wasn't on the couch. There wasn't any need to panic but he did anyway. The current situation was enough to send him in a frantic search for the Spaniard. 

He found Rafa down the hallway exiting the bathroom and sighed his relief. 

"Why you follow me around Roger?" 

"No. I was just... nevermind" 

Rafa gave him a half-smirk as he walked passed him. He made himself some hot chocolate and sat on the rug drinking it, leaning against the couch. Roger frowned and sat on his mattress, observing Rafa. Rafa having hot chocolate in the middle of the night was never a good sign. He only ever did that when he was very restless or agitated. 

"Raf you okay?" 

"Yeah. This is weird no? We acting as bait and waiting for them to make a move. I no like this waiting around." 

Roger huffed a mouthful of air and nodded. This was very tiring, constantly being on edge. 

"But at least you're used to waiting around for fishing and stuff. I'm not even used to that" 

"Waiting for fish is only good if you not the bait." 

Roger smiled despite himself. Every time he went to Mallorca Rafa wanted to teach him how to fish. But he was always too energetic to sit in one place for so much time. Maybe he should learn it next time he goes. It would help with some patience building. 

"Next time I come to Mallorca-" Roger faltered, suddenly remembering they had actually broken up. He wouldn't be going to Mallorca again. Not to Rafa's house anyway. He wouldn't be taught how to fish. He wouldn't be lying on the beach with Rafa on lazy afternoons ever again. It was all over. 

The mood changed in the room, he could tell. And Rafa was looking at him intently. He shied away from looking back though, he couldn't meet Rafa's gaze. 

The rug under his feet was soft. It's soft fur ran between his toes, a ticklish sensation which Roger always loved about this rug.

"You're leaving tomorrow?" 

"Si. After this is over." 

"Yeah... I thought as much" Roger's breath hitched and he ducked his head. 

Rafa shifted to sit next to him on the rug. And Roger stole a quick glance. He was so soothing and calm, this man. He was everything Roger had ever wished for and more. He was someone he would happily give up the whole world for. And yet, he had managed to hurt him so much in a tiny moment of vengeance and alcohol and lust. It was ridiculous how much you could lose to yourself more than anyone else. 

Rafa's eyes sparkled in the mellow light and Roger felt his own jaw clench. He was so close to just melting in this moment and he couldn't find anything to hold onto. 

But what was Rafa doing torturing him like this? Why come so close only to pull away again? Why was he driving nails through Roger like this? 

"I go tomorrow. We no meet again. Maybe on tennis court only." 

Roger still couldn't look up at Rafa. He just nodded gently, wanting to say no. Wanting to protest. Wanting to object. He couldn't find the words though. 

So he said instead the only words that came to him. "I'm sorry Rafa." Roger's voice cracked and he bit on his lip to stop the sob that threatened to break through. He whispered the next words "forgive me." 

Rafa looked at him through the glistening tears in his eyes. He brought his hand up and tucked away a stray hair from Roger's face. "Is too much to ask. I can no stop loving you but how do I forgive you Rogi?" 

And that name was enough to push him over the edge and just break down. Roger ducked his head as the tears flowed freely now. Everything just falling on him like dead weight. "I'm sorry baby" he whispered, almost to himself. 

"Don't ask for things I can't give you Roger." 

Roger nodded, wiping his tears away rather roughly. He sniffled his nose and looked up. Meeting Rafa's eyes for the first time in days. "Give me a last kiss Rafa?" 

Roger could see the surprise on Rafa's face. Rafa's eyes were mellow and gentle but there was heartache in them. They looked at Roger like he could somehow undo everything and Roger's heart broke at that. Rafa didn't break the gaze though but instead leaned in. Roger felt Rafa's warmth and scent engulf him. How long had it been since he felt so close to Rafa. Days? Weeks? He could hardly remember the last time they kissed. But it didn't matter right now. Nothing mattered as his eyes slid close. His heart was thumping in his chest and he readied himself to savour every second of this moment. It was his last. His last happy moment. Roger wanted to lean in too but he decided not to. This was Rafa's decision. His alone. Then he felt Rafa's breath on his lips and all thoughts slipped away from him. He melted in the moment as his lips parted under the warmth, desperate for the familiar feeling of Rafa's lips on his.

And then somwhere in the background, his phone beeped. 

Roger almost flinched at the sound, his eyes screwing shut even tighter as he lost Rafa's warmth. The cold suddenly too much to bare. 

His breathing was a frantic mess even as he tried to get back to the real world. He could feel Rafa moving away from him and walking to the small table where Roger's phone was.

He blinked his eyes open a couple of seconds later to see Rafa waving the phone at him from across the room. "You got a text"

"Yeah go on" he nodded to Rafa. 

"Is locked." 

"You know the password, open it." 

Rafa hesitated for a moment but then just opened the phone anyway. His eyebrows knit together in a frown as he read the text out loud "One million dollars cash. Bring nothing else with you. No phones, wallets etc. A black car will be around the corner at four a.m. Get in it with cash. Laters baby" 

Roger flopped down heavily on his inflatable mattress and stared at the ceiling. There it was. The wait finally over. And what a way it ended too, stealing his last kiss from him.

He let a few minutes pass in silence. He didn't need to phone the police since they had tapped his phone and would've got the text anyway. But he did need to ask for advice so he reached out and grabbed his phone that Rafa had tossed on the mattress.

"Hi" He noticed his voice was hoarse with sleep and arousal and nerves but he didn't care, "you got it right? Yeah. Well. Should I go to the bank now? I don't know if it's open. No of course I don't have one million cash in my house. Who keeps so much at home? Yeah got three hours. Yeah. Okay. Thanks." 

"What they say?" 

"They said go with the plan. And about the cash, well. I need to manage that on my own." 

Roger scrolled through his contacts and pressed on the one he wanted. 

"Morning Mr Rees, I am so very sorry to have disturbed you this late... Of course... No, it's a bit urgent." 

After he had successfully convinced the bank manager to open the bank for him and went and collected the cash, all he needed to do was get dressed, keep the cash in a sack and just wait for four o'clock. It was still an hour away. 

Rafa was pacing around the house as Roger got ready. Neither spoke. 

When the clock ticked four, Roger caught Rafa's eye and that was enough. Rafa spoke so much through his eyes, he always did. And maybe Roger was so used to reading him by now that they didn't even need to use words sometimes. He could see the worry, the anxiety and the 'take care' etched into those brown eyes. 

And Roger nodded to him once. And then he was off.

Roger got out and locked the front door. He could see Rafa at the window, peeking through the curtains. He gave him a small smile as the gates closed and then Rafa disappeared. And Roger was on the road, on his own, at four in the morning. 

He walked uncertainly to the nearest corner and saw a small black car parked on the far side of the road. That must be the one. 

He got to the car and noticed a man with a balaclava inside. His hand hesitated only once before he knocked on the window and waited for the man to get out. 

The man crossed the car and came to him. He eyed him a few seconds before gesturing to Roger. "I need to check you have nothing on you" 

Roger nodded and put his arms up. The man patted the jacket and the jeans checking for any objects. He stepped back when he was happy to have found no phones or knives or any other devices. 

The man took Roger's arm and brought it up, nodding to the Rolex on his wrist. Roger frowned. 

"Leave the watch here." 

Roger arched an eyebrow but did what he was told. He had a special spot for that one, it was his lucky one which is why he wore it tonight. He didn't think watches counted when they said bring nothing expect for money. He laid his watch on the pavement; he would probably never see it again. 

The man in the balaclava looked at him seemingly content and gestured for him to get in the back seat. Roger got in and was immediately blind-folded. He guessed he wasn't supposed to know where he was being taken. 

The door shut close and then the front door shut close too. And they were off. 

After a good 30 minutes of driving, they stopped and, Roger reckoned, were parking somewhere. The door opened and the man untied his blindfold. Roger squinted at the bright fluorescent lights in a warehouse. So much for a warehouse trip? 

He was almost disappointed. 

He got out as the balaclava man walked away. It was weird to stand alone in such a huge place with one million cash in the hand. He heard movement behind him and watched the girl, that same girl, appear from one of the doors. 

She wore a smirk of triumph on her face and Roger would be lying if he said he wasn't impressed with this woman's guts. He smiled back, amused by the revolver she held firmly her hand. 

"Morning Rog." 

"Morning... Shame I don't know your name." 

"Oh well, call me whatever." 

"Let's call you Eve." 

"Eve?" 

"Tempted by the apple." 

"Ah. Clever. Got the money?" 

Roger patted the sack in his hand and watched her face light up as she eyed it. 

"Mind if I check?" 

"Not at all." 

She chuckled softly and bent down, unzipping the sack and slipping a hand in. She dug out a bundle of crisp bank notes and observed them closely before nodding and putting it back. 

"Happy?" 

"Very." 

"Now about the video. How do I know you've deleted it and not sent out copies to your colleagues, if I may call them that?" 

"You'll just have to trust me on that one. I don't care about your reputation Federer. I got what I want, I have no joy in ruining your life." 

"How nice. Can you at the very least delete the video that you have on your phone in front of me?" 

"Sure." She dug her phone out and deleted the video. "Here. Okay?" 

"How did you get it though?" 

"I sent it to myself from your phone. I deleted my number after that though" She grinned at him. 

"Nice. Can I go now?" 

"What's the rush? You've come here, so far, you can stay for a while can't you?" 

Roger stopped a frown from showing up as she took a step forward. The smile still ripe on her face. 

"I blackmailed you, I got a million dollars. If I kidnap you, how much will I get?" 

Roger couldn't say he didn't know this could happen. That was a big chance. He just didn't think it would. But now, here he was anyway. He smiled at the girl and shrugged. 

"Kidnap me and well, millions will be yours. Maybe more. I don't know" 

She smiled dreamily at him and brought her arms around his neck, weaving her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "Tell me something Federer, you don't remember anything from the night?" 

Roger caught her eye and observed her for a few seconds. He didn't think that question even warrantied a reply. 

"You don't, do you?" She asked, the grin growing on her delicate features and glint of excitement Roger couldn't on her face. 

"So what do you say? I kidnap you, I'll be pretty rich yeah?" 

"Yeah but you'll have a lot of police after you" 

"Who cares? I'm fine right now, I'll be fine even then" 

"You sure you're fine right now Eve?" 

For the first time in the entire encounter, her grin turned strained. He raised his eyebrows to prompt her more and she stepped back from him. 

She opened her mouth to ask something but was abruptly stopped by a gunshot outside. 

Even before Roger could react, she had the revolver pressed firmly into the skin of his neck and he winced at the cold metal. She snaked and arm around his neck and stood behind him using him as a shield against the policemen that flooded in through the main entrance. 

Roger watched as they were surrounded by policemen, all aiming their guns at the woman. But of course, she had the best hostage of all time and she used it well. 

"I'll shoot him if you shoot." 

"Ooof, big threat that Eve" Roger did wonder what he was doing instigating this woman but he did it anyway. 

"Shut up Federer. Worry for yourself right now." 

"I got twenty people pointing their guns at you, I don't need to worry." 

The girl took a step back, effectively forcing Roger to walk backwards with her. The circle of police took a single step forward with them. 

The girl shouted instructions in Arabic behind her to her team members, which Roger didn't understand but the police seemingly did. And in response some of the policemen started moving towards the exit behind the girl. 

"I'll shoot him if you try to follow us!" 

"No you won't. Put the gun down" someone shouted at her.

The girl took a few more steps backwards and took Roger with her. He heard a car engine start somewhere behind him as they headed the rear exit. He knew what was coming - anytime now she would push him at the police, grab the sack in his hand and make a sprint to the car awaiting her. He didn't want that though. He wanted her caught. Obviously the police would give them a good chase and maybe she would be caught after all. But still, she didn’t deserve an escape in the first place.

He knew he could do very little right now though. So he didn’t try anything sneaky. It was better to let the police do their job. She kept going backwards and Roger went with it.

Behind the circle of the policemen, he could see Mr Rehman issuing orders and asking for back-up on his radio device, presumably getting ready for a chase. Standing just behind Mr Rehamn, Roger caught a glimpse of Rafa. Hovering around the back of warehouse, eyes fixed on Roger and stress visible on his beautiful features. Once this was over, Roger decided he was going to have a serious word with whoever it was that allowed Rafa to come here. This was dangerous enough as it is, and Rafa need not be anywhere near.

Roger’s attention was brought back to the situation at hand when he realised he was almost outside the exit now and Eve, as he was going to call her, had still not let him go. Neither had she attempted to flee. What was she doing dragging him along for so long?

And then a thought struck him. Was it just possible that she was trying to take him with her as she escaped?

The more he thought about it, the likelier it seemed. She was trying to flee the place with him. But he couldn't let that happen. Then he would really be classified as kidnapped and the police would lose them. And what would happen after that? Roger could feel the panic lace his thoughts now.

He was struggling to find a way around this and so were the police by the looks of it. And still she kept walking backwards. He was seconds away from really getting kidnapped now. 

His eyes flickered back to where Rafa had been standing, he wanted to see him once before all this turned really ugly. But Rafa wasn’t there any longer. He wasn’t there. Where was he?

His eyes searched for him frantically til they caught a dark figure, ducking behind the large freights stacked around them and getting closer and closer to where Roger was heading now. Rafa. What was he thinking?

Roger stiffened and stopped walking entirely, legs feeling heavy, suddenly the prospect of Rafa doing something very stupid started to make an appearance in his mind. It was so possible, as far as Roger knew Rafa. This could end so badly in so many ways. 

He needed to do something now. Before Rafa could act out his heroic and stupid intentions. The metal against his skin didn’t feel half as terrifying as the idea of Rafa getting involved, and worse still, getting hurt.

Roger took a deep breath in and kicked backwards - the heel of his shoes connecting against the woman's knee and she jerked back, her finger pulling the trigger on instinct and a loud gunshot echoed loudly in the warehouse.

And then there were police all around him. Seizing the opportunity he had created.

Roger's world spun but he was being steadied by firm hands. It took him a few seconds to realise he hadn’t been shot through the neck and he was, in fact, still alive. The girl must've lost her aim last minute. The hands that held him upright were Rafa’s. Roger turned to look at him. He could see his lips moving, his face changing expression and his head making wild nods and shakes but he couldn’t actually hear a thing.

The gunshot still rung loud and clear in his ears and no other sound even got close. He couldn’t hear a thing.

It was a good two hours before his hearing came back and his head stopped spinning.

They were sat down in a small room in the police station and were occasionally visited by junior officers to check they were okay. Rafa was staring at him in bewilderment the whole time but he didn’t respond to his stare. He didn’t have the energy to argue right now.

“Mr Federer, is your ear okay now?”

He nodded weakly as Mr Rehman led the culprits, the girl and her team, into the room like they were his trophies for being so brave.

He looked at Mr Rehman questioningly, who nodded at the gang of criminals.

“They had seven copies of the video saved on their various phones and laptops. They fully intended on blackmailing you forever.”

Rafa head snapped up at that and Roger could see the anger flaring in his eyes.

Mr Rehman continued his report, “she had recognised you the moment she saw you Mr Federer, she knew exactly who you were. You were her golden chance”

Roger smirked bitterly. He had figured as much.

“Anyway, you can rest assured that this will no longer be a threat to you and these people will be dealt with according to law.” He paused, “keeping with your confidentiality, don’t worry.”

Roger nodded and managed a smile. “Thank you Mr Rehamn, I really appreciate this help.”

“Not at all. It was a pleasure meeting you Mr Federer. And I’m sure you can show your friend Mr Nadal our Dubai now, rather than have to worry about this.” He nodded to Rafa, who smiled back in acknowledgement.

“Right, come on. Let’s go. Nice to meet you again.” Mr Rehman nodded one more time and then he was out of the room, the junior escorting the gang of criminals out of the room.

Just as she was leaving, the girl turned and caught Roger’s eye and winked rather nastily. "You’re a great fuck, by the way." 

Roger's jaw just dropped at that and he glowered at her in disbelief. Even after all that, this woman had the wit to stand here and say that out loud.

He was brought back by Rafa's retorting a "I'm sure he is” at the girl.

Roger spun to face him and hissed under his breath, "What the hell?" 

Rafa shrugged.

They walked back to the car and Roger hit the accelerator full speed, thrashing out of the parking lot and swerving rather dangerously around the corner.

"Why did you even have to reply to her?" 

"What? Is true, no?" 

"Rafa, just stop this please." 

"Why? I can just imagine how she will never forget that night-" 

"Rafa!" 

"She loved every bit of it no?" 

"Rafa it's killing me, can't you fucking see? For God’s sake! Do you want me to beg you or something now?" 

"I not know why is bothering you. What she say is true. Is just a shame the poor thing will never know though." 

"What do you mean?" 

"You didn't have sex with her." 

"What?" 

Roger braked the car in the middle of road. Thank god it was empty. He spun and sat facing Rafa. "What the hell? How do you know?" 

"We went to the hotel si? ‘Mr and Mrs Federer’ hotel?" 

"Yeah what about it?" 

"Well you don't know that I go there again later. I no tell you but I thought that receptionist had something to say but she no in front of you... So I go again, I think maybe she know about the girl..." 

"Okay. But so what? How would she know anything of what went on inside any room?" 

"Because, she tell me you two create a huge argument in the corridor. The girl wanted sex, you told her to go away. It was big argument no? All the hotel staff try to get her away because you no want her in the room" 

Roger stared at Rafa, trying hard to recall. He could just about vaguely think of a similar scenario but not really. He looked at Rafa, who had a small smile lingering on the corner of his lips now.

And then it clicked. The weird smile the receptionist had given him in the morning. The strange looks he had got as he got out of that place. He still couldn’t remember the actual thing itself but he remembered getting out of that place as clear as day. Roger felt his cheeks go hot and he covered them with his hands, gaping at the windscreen. 

"You mean I didn't... I didn't even let her in the room?" 

Rafa shrugged.

“When did you find out?”

“I go after we shift to police apartment…”

“You knew before you told me how much hate me or after?”

Rafa hesitated but then whispered “Before. I knew when I say all that”

“Wow okay. So you’ve basically known for days?”

“Si.”

Roger nodded, looking ahead at the dark road.

“The video hurt me no, Rogi? Is good you no sleep with her and betray me but you still wanted to hurt me. That was bad. So I let you feel bad for a few days more… now you know how it feels to be so hurt no?” Rafa paused, letting out a sigh and looking out of the window.

Roger wasn’t going to say he wasn’t feeling angry. He was. Rafa had allowed him to basically drown in guilt despite knowing the truth. But he knew, deep within, that it was only fair. Rafa had only given back some of the pain that he had caused him. It was a fair punishment. Roger had wanted to hurt Rafa when he sent him the video. He wanted to payback and make Rafa feel the pain. Whether or not he went on to sleep with the girl was an added issue.

“Rogi, I’m sor-”

“No. Don’t you dare apologise to me. You don’t need to. I’ve been a jerk… you were right to do that. I deserve it.”

Rafa didn’t say anything, letting the moment sink in.

“But does that mean I didn’t actually cheat though?”

“Si.”

“Oh my god, I only just realised! I didn’t. Jeez, you have no idea… God, Rafa, I am so sorry I put you through this… I’m so so sorry”

“You say that enough no? I’m tired, we go home now?”

A smile found its way on Roger’s face. Home. “Yeah, let’s go home.”

 

\---

 

Roger opened the door to his house with Rafa right behind him, for the third time now. It was seven in the morning and the house was bathed in a dark blue.

Roger went and fell on the mattress they had set out, too tired to go upstairs. He felt the mattress bounce as Rafa fell next to him. He turned to face him, the Spaniard’s eyes already closed.

“Raf you forgive me yeah?”

“Si. How many times you ask?”

Roger hummed softly. “Can I… can I have my kiss then?”

Rafa’s eyes popped open and scooted closer, flinging his leg around Roger’s waist and pulling him in closer. “You want a last kiss?”

“A kiss. Not a last one though”

Rafa chuckled softly and brought their lips together in a soft kiss. Roger sighed into it and snuggled closer to Rafa. There was so much he wanted to say right now but he found neither words nor energy. So he just let Rafa, his beautiful lover, kiss him. Rafa brought his fingers to Roger’s neck and stroked the back of it softly, making him shiver in his arms.

He pulled back with a soft pop to look at Roger. The Swiss had his eyes closed and his lips parted. His eyes opened lazily, tiredness lacing them.

“Rafa” He whispered softly.

“Hm”

“Can I ask you for something else too?”

“Hm”

“Can you sleep... in me?”

Rafa didn’t say another word. He kissed Roger again, undressing them both with practiced ease. The first lubed finger had Roger hissing his pain. And Rafa knew it had been a long time. He worked him slowly, calmly, there was no need to rush anything. He whispered soft words of comfort in Roger’s ear as he worked him, placing soft kissed on his face. Then his mind went back to the events of the night. "Rogi, what happen if she shot you?" 

Roger didn't open his eyes but gave a small shrug. "I saw you, moving towards us... couldn't risk it." 

It was barely a mumble, said in a state of half-sleep, but something tightened in Rafa's stomach. Just the idea of anything happening to Roger had him almost suffocating. He pulled Roger in closer, "Never do that again Rogi. Never" 

He felt Roger shake his head and mumble, "I'll do it if you do it. Can't have you hurt..." 

Rafa couldn't stop the tear rolling down his cheek and he closed his eyes on it. He always knew Roger loved him immensely. He just realised how much again now. He placed a soft kiss in his hair and then on his cheek and finally his lips and relished in the small, sleepy moans escaping Roger as he arched into him weekly. 

By the time, Rafa slid into him, Roger was already half asleep. He moaned and clenched around Rafa, hands splaying on his back and pulling him closer. Rafa obliged and went with it, flushing himself against Roger. The video of the girl doing the same flashed in his head and he involuntarily sped up a bit. And Roger groaned low in his throat.

Rafa nibbled on the soft neck of his lover, using only his hips create the slow and leisurely rhythm. He wasn’t thrusting, he was just circling his hips. The energy between them had been crackling since the moment Roger came to see him in Mallorca. He could feel the undercurrent every time Roger was in front of him but it was obviously never acted upon. Now though, it was all building up really fast and Rafa had no intention of delaying it. He continued his slow and delicate rhythm and it only took a few more seconds for Roger shivering out an orgasm, coating them with his come. The clench was enough to push Rafa over the edge too.

He whispered Roger’s name as he came in him and even before he had calmed down, Roger was already asleep. But Rafa had promised he would sleep in him and so he didn’t pull out. Instead he pulled Roger closer, not minding the come between them gluing them together, and rested his head in the crook of his neck, falling into a peaceful slumber.

It had been a stressful few days, with hurt and pain and revenge and whatnot. But it got them to a happy place in the end. Rafa wasn't going to say he wanted to ever go through this again but he had to admit that it had taught them both many things about each other. And in some small part of his mind, Rafa was almost glad to have gone through this little glitch in their relationship because it only brought them closer.


End file.
